thelump.net

[26/05]

With May coming to a close, football is given a much deserved rest (unless of course you work for Sky Sports, then you must bombard us with all manners of trivial football tournaments until August). Fans nationwide must now prepare for a summer that either involves a few weeks at Centre Parcs with the wife and kids, or pretending to understand cricket to the extent that you can drunkenly threaten to ‘leg break’ any nearby Aussies, or ‘doosra’ them in the ‘googlys’.

Before all that, let’s take a final look back at a rather enjoyable season with some light-hearted awards. First up:

The ‘You Tried Your Best with What You Had’ Award
also known as the ‘Manager of the Season’.

Close runners this year; Sir Alex has a high percentage of the silverware this season, but his big money summer signing of Dimitar Berbatov didn’t please everyone, with the Bulgarian having nothing more than a mixed debut season. His Manchester United squad has suffered a handful of slight injuries; however the sheer strength of his reserves and youth setup means that names like Macheda, Welbeck, Gibson and the Da Silva twins have played much more first team football than Sir Alex had planned.

Gianfranco Zola has had an impressive first season in club management, keeping faith in West Ham’s excellent youth setup whilst also getting some high quality performances from his former teammate at Chelsea, Carlton Cole; something not seen since the striker was emerging from the Stamford Bridge youth setup. Trimming some of the hangers on, and keeping the faith with passionate, hard working football could see the Hammers enjoy another good season next year.

David Moyes has managed so much with so little at Everton again this season, helping Phil Jagielka not only have a great season, but break into the England setup, getting some fantastic performances from summer signing Marouane Fellaini, who at £15 million, could have been a complete disaster had he joined a club with not as much faith in his ability. A deserved Cup Final against Chelsea awaits.

However the winner, simply for proving me completely wrong when I said they would end no higher than 19th in the table is Fulham manager Roy Hodgson. The London club have just recorded their highest ever finish of 7th, providing a place in the new Europa League, thanks to hard working team players such as Clint Dempsey, Mark Schwartzer and captain Danny Murphy. They have only scored one more goal than they achieved last season, but the success has been down to the defence, and in particular, the stand out player of Fulham’s season: Brede Hangeland; the giant centre half has many other clubs now chasing him to improve their back line.

The ‘Bloody Hell, Did You See That?’ Award
also known as the ‘Goal of the Season’.

Some great goals this season, my top choices include:

Kiko Macheda’s goal against Aston Villa
Glen Johnson’s volley against Hull
Paul Konchesky almost breaking the net vs West Ham
but the winner is David Bentley’s goal against his old club Arsenal.

The ‘Estonian National Football Team’ Award
honouring certain footballers who may as well have not turned up for some games this season.

A few came close with this one. Despite having an awful goalkeeper, an absent back four, and a midfield about as creative as Susan Boyles hairdresser, Middlesbrough still had a Brazilian up front. Sadly, it was Alfonso Alves, who in 19 Premier League games had managed just 4 goals, and missed about 400. A striker trying to outdo Alves for being the most useless is Johan Elmander, who was given the Bolton no. 9 shirt in good faith, yet does not look worth the £8.2 million that Gary Megson spent on him. Completing the trio of strikers is Darius Vassell, who has only played two games this season; could it be because of injury? Nobody will ever know, as everyone seems to have forgotten he exists.

There is an out an out winner though. A year after captaining Pompeys win in the FA Cup Final, Sol Campbell has had a season to forget. His limpness at failing to keep out the cross which saw Wigan score this past weekend was the cherry on top of a very bland season from the former England international. With his contract up, it could be Sol’s last game in the top flight, and on the basis of the last 7 months, we won’t be missing much.

The ‘Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen’ Award

Joint winners for this one; Phil Scolari and Michael Owen.

Big Phil arrived at his new club with huge fanfare, a massive worldly reputation from anyone with a Portuguese tongue, and interview answers that conjured up ideas of trophies arriving in their lolly-load, only to fall far short of the fans (and the boards) expectation, with both man-management and tactics. He may have only lost 5 games in 36 matches, but with Chelsea trailing Aston Villa in the league come February; it wasn’t enough for the door to hit him on his way out. Chelsea went on to end the season on a high, with Drogba and Kalou on much better form, that many were quick to thank Phil’s replacement for; Guus Hiddink.

Owen on the other hand is turning slowly into a football antique; something that fans can look at with quiet reflection, how his glory days in the 90′s seem a decade ago as the cobwebs slowly creep up over his knees. This being said, he’s actually had a much more consistent season compared to the last two, but he’s fallen so far in Newcastle fan’s estimation due to his neglect at signing a new contract extension. Looks set to leave the North East in the summer for free, and as he turns 30 in December, he surely has just 2-4 seasons left at top level, as long as he can find his form again. Will either of the Merseyside teams come in for him?

The ‘I Can’t Hear a Bloody Thing’ Award
honouring the best fans of the season.

By a county mile: Stoke.

The ‘Danny Cadamarteri’ Award
honouring those who started the season so brightly, but soon faded away.

It’s tough to pick a winner out of Deco, Geovanni and Amr Zaki, but then I thought; why limit it to just one player? Teams can collectively have breakdowns and harsh shortages of form just like individuals, and who better to highlight this than Aston Villa. A season that started so strongly soon lost momentum and they finished in an identical position to last year, hinting at no progression or improvements. Harsh comments maybe, but never underestimate Martin O’Neill, he only used 21 players this season, and with a few extra additions in the right areas, next year could promise some even better football, and with a slice of luck in their direction, they could finally rise above that 6th place.

Due to this, the Villains also have to get

The ‘Best Chance of Breaking The Top 4 Next Season’ Award

Looking at everyone else who could possibly contend this, Villa are the only strong contenders. Man City will buy overpriced stars that wont gel, causing Mark Hughes will once again battle for his job. Fulham will have trouble battling Europe and Domestic competitions and will slide to a mid table place, Everton will need one more big signing, and a lot less injuries, whilst Spurs need dedication and passion from the whole starting 11 consistently. Selling Vedran Ćorluka would help drastically.

The ‘Kirk Broadfoot’ Award
otherwise known as ‘The Stupidest Injury of the Year’. 

Liam Lawrence was tip-toeing downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, tried stepping over his sleeping pet dog on the stairs, missed the step and twisted his ankle. Life’s a bitch, sometimes. Sorry, that joke was terribly ruff.

The ‘Kevin Keegan’ Award
honouring those whose have had “I Wish That Didn’t Happen” moments.

There’s nothing like a bit of controversy to liven up a dull weekday. There was plenty of water cooler moments this season; Rafa’s pre-planned rant at Fergie, Joe Kinnears swearing, or even calling Charles N’Zogbia ‘Insomnia’, even Phil Brown telling off his Hull squad on the pitch at half time.

All great contenders, but the winner is, well, not even a footballer. Please stand up the poor sod in charge of FA Cup coverage at ITV, and admit you forgot that you run adverts at set intervals, yet forgot to cancel it, subsequently causing the only goal of the Liverpool v Everton FA Cup match to go unseen. Stupidly, they tried to blame the weather, which makes about as much sense as why ITV are allowed to have football coverage in the first place.

The ‘Useless Stat of the Year’ Award

I can’t remember where I read this, but it’s a belter: Rory Delap took 267 long throws this season, 189 more than any other player.

Here’s my ‘Team of the Year’:

Jussi Jaaskelainen
Glen Johnson
Phil Jagielka
Brede Hangeland
Michael Turner
Antonio Valencia
Wayne Rooney
Steven Gerrard
Wilson Palacios
Fernando Torres
Nicolas Anelka

Bring on 09/10!