thelump.net

This Week in Lumps
#44 [25/03 - 31/03]

· A few months back, in week 11 to be exact, I blogged about MyFootballClub. Now, despite being a huge fan, it’s not often I talk about football on here, in fact, I go out of my way to avoid it completely, but the MyFC idea was just too good to ignore. For those still in the dark, MyFC is the idea of former football journalist Will Brooks, and involved a plan to take over and control an English football club, and have paying subscribers play the role of god (or in this case, manager) over the teams transfers, tactics and major financial decisions. I was one of the 29,000 who have paid £35 to be a member for 1 year, and this gives me the right to chose a starting 11, decide who to buy and who not to buy, and so on.

Whether you’re a football fan or not, you have to agree that this is an exciting concept on paper. Existing fans of the club could finally have an important word in how ‘their’ club was run. No more greedy Americans, Russians and Lithuanians who haven’t the foggiest on what matters most in football, and are only looking to line their pocket with a global brand here and there. The club could also reach out to a worldwide audience, bringing in new fans, and, with more than a large helping of modern technology in the Internet, the club could utilise thousands of people’s skills and knowledge from around the world, which would only have made things better.

Of the four clubs that were shortlisted, (the clubs approached them, not vice-versa) Ebbsfleet Utd was chosen and a vote passed in January where over 93% of the paying members agreed to buy 75% of the club. So far so good then, you must think; all must be rosey at the club – money to be spent, and an increasing fan base. Well, as true as that may be, members are far from happy…. And I’m one of the unhappy ones.

Now, I admit, I had my doubts from day one, as did most people. In the early days, their did seem to be a lot of reassuring answers for the questions everybody had to answer. Sadly for us, we bought it hook, line and sinker. Many thought the money was to be used to help a club in deep financial ruin, but Ebbsfleet were, and still are very much in the black. What Ebbsfleet required was something to take them to the next step, financial backing and the fanbase to move them from non-league obscurity to something a tad more decent in the short term, and with that the long term should follow.

Things started to take a turn after the announcement of Ebbsfleet being the team for us all to follow. Admittedly, big-named clubs like Chelsea and Man Utd were thrown about, but were never seriously in the running. However, clubs like Leeds and Nottingham Forest seemed to capture the imagination of the public: These were clubs who had fallen down in both rankings and status, and were crying out for a knight in shining armour. Maybe this what enticed a lot of people in, putting forward their £35 with the hope of being able to take a sleeping giant back to the big time, and when Ebbsfleet were announced, went down like a fart in a lift. Many simply lost interest, as they had no idea what non-league football meant, or where Gravesend actually is. Holes started to appear; the 29,000 signed up members are currently being represented by very small percentage, only an estimated 1000 users are using the site on a regular basis, while a further 2,500 are appearing every now and again. The most major voting poll so far (whether we were in favour of purchasing Ebbsfleet or not) attracted just 18,000 votes. This number seems giant to the last poll, which has only caught the attention of 3,800 people. These figures show that roughly 25,500 paid members are very much AWOL, and although this may not seem like much, especially since they’ve already paid their membership fee, important decisions and votes are going unnoticed, such as the Board vote, which in my opinion was the most badly organised and poor excuse of a popularity contest I’ve ever seen. It now seems that most “decisions” are being made by the eager 1,000. I say “decisions” because most votes seem purely down to rubber stamping decisions already made by the people in charge.

Sadly, this just seems to be the start of things. The forums are where the masses dwell, casting opinions amongst themselves and dwelling on important facts while everyone else works for a living. And, as is the case in 99.9% of all other messageboards, has degraded into bitter arguments and petty name calling.

The most important part of this all, and probably one of the main reasons why everyone signed up is the ‘Team Selector’, the tool to pick your starting 11 every match day… is an embarrassing disgrace. Something that barely seems fit for a Football PC game from the early 90′s, it tells the outsider nothing about who plays where, what their form is like, what foot they kick with, the list goes on. Its hardly caused a stir either, with only 820 members showing an interest. Funnily enough, as this was causing arguments on the forums, the FAQ on “How will the team be picked?” has currently disappeared…

In brings up the argument; should we pick the team at all? should we just be an innocent non-director? Manager Liam Daish has got the club into a Wembley Final, to be played in May. How would you feel if the team you have spent all year nurturing and improving suddenly wasn’t your team anymore? What if, despite having faith in your striker, the members (and therefore owners) of the club felt he was only good enough for the substitute bench? And what about your CV? A young and talented manager as Mr Daish is will definitely attract bigger clubs attention if he picks a winning 11 side. This surely wouldn’t be the case if clubs realise he was nothing but a stooge to other peoples opinion. Its driven other managers out of clubs (George Burley at Hearts, Jose Mourinho at Chelsea) and it could happen here.

Now put the shoe on the other foot; This was not what many members signed up for, they expected Daish to become a coach, and have little say on who plays where. They did not expect him to veto selections purely because his own opinion didn’t match ours. When you sign up for something that presents itself on the basis of “Own the Team, Pick the Team” you must start to wonder when the actual picking must begin?

To finalise, well, firstly I need to apologise; this hasn’t been very objective, but I hope you can understand my position. I still have a glimmer of hope that this can work, and I see no reason why it can’t. Yes, it needs a big improvement, and yes, someone needs to admit this, but it also needs someone to grab it by the horns and drag it in the right direction. I hope Mr Brooks can do it.

Otherwise I wont be signing up next year, and I dare say I wont be alone in that.

~

· Hot of the heels of the success of FIY hit (film-it-yourself… yes I’m trying to be clever) Be Kind Rewind comes another ‘home made’ success, this time a British film. Son of Rambow has already been given all of the sickening buzz phrases; ‘Giddy, goofy and heartfelt’, and ‘hilariously fresh and visually inventive’, even the kiss of death in ‘funniest British film since Hot Fuzz’, surely it can rise above these?

It tells the story of two schoolboys who are inspired by Rambo: First Blood (which they see on a pirate videotape) to make their own action adventure film. Lee Carter – the worst-behaved boy in school, has access to a VCR as he helps his brother’s video pirating schemes. The other star, Will couldn’t be more different; quiet and shy he comes from a family who belong to a strict religious sect; he is forbidden to watch films or television. When he gets caught up with Carter and accidentally sees First Blood, he is blown away, and becomes Carter’s willing co-star and stuntman.

Son of Ranbow is written and directed by Garth Jennings, and produced by Nick Goldsmith, a duo best known for their work on music videos for Blur’s ‘Coffee & TV’ and Supergrass’ ‘Pumping on Your Stereo’, Jennings and Goldsmith (known as Hammer & Tongs, which is also the name of their production company) have now moved on to directing movies, their debut being the 2005 film version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Garth was 11 when he made his own First Blood-inspired thriller, called Aaron Part 1.

“I’d seen the name ‘Aaron’ on the end credits of Dynasty – obviously, that was Aaron Spelling – and thought, ‘Ooh, that’s a great movie name.’ My friends and I invented this story about the PLO kidnapping the head of the MoD, played by me. We didn’t know who the PLO were, but we had them making these demands like, ‘We want our people to have a lot nicer time.’ We made it look like my dad’s shed was on fire by holding a burning rag in front of the camera, which was great except you could hear the cameraman saying, ‘Wow, that looks brilliant!’ We dubbed some Jean-Michel Jarre over the fight sequences to jazz it up a bit, give it some class. What you don’t realise is that you’re constantly learning. Suddenly, you’ve taught yourself how to do sound effects, or edit in camera.”

It’s currently sitting at 89% on Rotten Tomatoes, and will also be reviewed this week on the Totally Rad Show.

“Son of Rambow… …is a film that marks Jennings as simply an enormous talent blessed equally with the visual whimsy of a Michel Gondry and the earnest heart tugging of the millions era Danny Boyle. The man is a technical whiz who employs his wizardry in the service of humanity, someone who managed the difficult task of growing up without losing any of the wonder of childhood.”

Not to be missed, it seems.

~

· So, something had to drag me away from Ghosts I, and this is it. M83 have announced a release date for their follow-up to 2005′s Before The Dawn Heals Us. The album, entitled Saturday = Youth will be released on 15th April through Mute.

M83 are a hard band to describe if you’ve never had the pleasure of listening to them. A project that was once two men, now just one: Frenchman Antony Gonzalez, known for his ability to create shoegazing masterpieces of layered and meandering synthesizers, making you feel like you’re falling from the top of a mountain when safely on your sofa at home. For me, at least. Fans of Boards of Canada, Yo La Tengo, and older bands such as My Bloody Valentine and even The Jesus and Mary Chain will already be well aware of them.

His latest effort was recorded with Ken Thomas (known for his work with Sigur Rós, and the Cocteau Twins) and Ewan Pearson (who has also produced for The Rapture and Tracy Thorn). The album is said to have a more ‘focused approach to song structure and form’, compared to previous albums. So, maybe listening to their last few album for days beforehand wasn’t the best preparation, maybe I should have taken a clean slate that proved so successful with Nine Inch Nails. Giving in to temptation, I listened to the new album nonetheless.

‘You, Appearing’ starts the album off, baring slight similarities to Mogwai’s Auto Rock; a twinkling piano led antipasti, just lacking that stomach tightening finale that I was somewhat expecting. It comes with the typical glacier-esque backing vocals (or noises, chants, whatever you deem fit to call them) that seem so right for a lot of M83 songs, and it soon fades into track two without causing too much of a stir, let alone riling up a storm.

On first listen, the phrase ‘lack of the expected’ seems to run though the album, which if compared to their magnum opus, 2005′s ‘Before The Dawn Heals Us’ means its a bit of a let down. That album was a breakthrough, a shining light and a joy to behold live. The opening track ‘Moonchild’ opened you up to a smorgasbord of beautiful and heartbreaking music, but alas, as I said before taking this approach to this album shouldn’t be the case- maybe it makes more sense to compare it to La Femme d’Argent, which opened Air’s ‘Moon Safari’ – that song didn’t need to turn whispers into screams and shouts, nor did it leave you with a feeling of being pushed of a cliff by your highschool sweetheart. With this in mind, you can see where Gonzalez wants to take the band, and you realise that ‘Saturday = Youth’ is actually a fine fine album. Skin Of The Night is some kind of orgasmic 80′s flashback, reminiscent of Cocteau Twins finest hour. Graveyard Girl carries on that 80′s feel with a more upbeat vibe, sounding scarily like My Bloody Valentine, but in a very good way. 2 minutes in the voiceovers start, with appear throughout the album, adding a vey nice side dish to an already full platter. New single, the 8 minute long Couleurs is one of the highlights, sounding like 3 different songs, but still having the same basis throughout. And, at 8 minutes, makes you want to repeat it over and over again. We Own The Sky is the other highlight, a song that gives your goosebumps goosebumps. If it doesn’t bring a smile to your face, you’re probably dead inside, you black hearted bastard.

M83 were never going to topple the greatness of previous albums, and I think we knew this before even hearing this album, but this one does come mighty close. A great change whilst still keeping the essence of what makes them great, and also an album that will sound great live sandwiched between old favourites. And god help you if you don’t drift off up to the ceiling half way though.

You’ll see me up there, I guarantee it.

~~~

That was the week in lumps, a week in which: McKellen will be Gandalf again, Mr T can bring kids out of comas, Danish girls are free to go topless in pools and beaches, redheads have more sex than blondes and brunettes, Rick Astley is embracing the RickRoll’d phenomenon, Kevin Spacey isn’t happy with the beeb, and here’s a big list of 50 movies all guys should see before they die.

Oh, and I’m addicted to the new VW Polo advert. Can I have a dog that sings please?

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