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This Week in Lumps
#27 [20/11 - 26/11]

· After 36 years of being one of the greatest chat-show hosts in the country, 72-year-old Michael Parkinson filmed his last episode this week, featuring a handpicked “wish list” of guests. Parkinson, who started his chat show back in 1971, has gone on to interview over 1,000 famous names and faces. Towards the end of the night, he tearfully said: “Over the years it has been a privilege to meet some of the most intelligent and interesting people. It has always been a great joy and I shall miss it.” To which he received a standing ovation from the studio audience.

Parkinson, who has also ended his weekly programme on BBC Radio 2 announced his decision in a personal statement made on June 26th:

“After three enjoyable and productive years at ITV, and after 25 years of doing my talk show I have decided that this forthcoming series will be my last. I’m going to take next year off to write my autobiography and consider other television projects. My thanks go out to all those who have worked on the shows down the years and the viewers for their loyal support and occasional kind words.”

The stars within his wish list include: David Beckham, Sir Michael Caine, Sir David Attenborough, Dame Judi Dench, Dame Edna Everage, Billy Connolly, Peter Kay and Jamie Cullum. He told the crowd:

“I was told to pick a wish list and I put down these names and every single one of them is here.”

Many of my favourite moments from the show include Billy Connolly. The December show will be his 9th appearence, each one as funny as the last. In his first outing on the show in the 70’s, Connolly jumped at the opportunity to make a name for himself, and told the classic joke about a man who had killed his wife and buried her bottom-up so he’d have somewhere to park his bike. His career took off and he never looked back. He became a good friend of Parkinson, and when referring to that debut appearance, he later said: “That programme changed my entire life.” Parkinson, in the documentary Billy Connolly: Erect for 30 Years, stated that people still remember Connolly telling the punchline to the ‘bike joke’ three decades after that TV appearance.

The two-hour special will be shown on ITV1 on December 15.

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· It’s been a strange week for Facebook: They’ve been accused of ruining Christmas, They’ve been blocked in Syria, They’ve shown interest in the Chinese market, The male/female user ratio is tilted in favour of the girls, Porn ads have sneaked in under the security for a brief moment or two, and it could even cost you a job in years to come. However, the one news item that seems to be on the tip of everyones tongue (as well as the fingertips, according to the handfuls of blogs and news websites) is the news that the ‘is’ from status updates .

By the response this story has caused, it seems the status update is one of Facebook’s most popular features, allowing your friends to see what you’re doing, or what you plan to do. I mentioned this ‘voluntary invasion of privacy’ way way back in week 4:

“I can’t really neglect the social networking sites such as Facebook, [it] not only tells all of your friends every minute change you make to your profile, who you add as friends, and what groups you join, but it also has a status bar to keep your friends up to date with everything (and I do mean everything) that you’re doing; ie: Andy is eating your goldfish, Andy is gravedigging, and so on.”

Now it seems, the ‘is’ is expendable. Since the beginning, our updates have been limited to somehow beginning each personal motto in third person. It is not yet clear when the change will take effect, but it’s sure to be massively popular with Facebook users, a Facebook group set up on the site to campaign for the dropping of the mandatory “is” has more than 165,000 members, including me. I’m by no means an ideal spokesman for the group- I only really joined to find out if or when it would happen. Without trying to sound cocky, I can work my way round the ‘is’ quite comfortably; it does form some weird phrases for your friends to gawp at, but what’s new. Then again, variety is the spice of life, and it wouldn’t hurt to change a little bit of code to make 100,000 stop moaning about it.

Andrew thinks this is a good idea.

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· On Sunday 4 November, AQA answered its 9 millionth question. What? Who? When? I hear you all cry. You’ve obviously never heard of Any Questions Answered.

We’ve all been sat in pub quizzes, with the temptation of a quick text to someone at home who will definately know the answer. Maybe a quick trip to the loo and some mobile internet access is the answer. But those in the know simply send a text message with the hard question to AQA, and someone at the other end does all the hard work, and sends you a reply back. It’s like a Wikipedia at your beck and call. Nifty, eh?

They settle arguments and award bragging rights. They can help the terminally indecisive choose what hoody to wear, or what tie would go with their white work shirt, and provide the shy and subdued types with chat-up lines and chippings of small talk, as Claudine at telegraph.co.uk discussed this week:

“What if you’re stuck in a traffic jam? Or in a restaurant, enjoying a meal with friends and an unseemly scrap breaks out over dessert as to how Eton Mess got its name? It wouldn’t be good manners to whip out your laptop. And even if you did, Wikipedia will just give you the bare facts. There’s no pizzazz. Any Question Answered, on the other hand, is obsessed with the “wow factor”. Text any question and they will reply with an answer that tries to encapsulate all the wry humour, effervescent enthusiasm and mind-boggling knowledge of a TV quizmaster.”

I’ve been a big fan of AQA for a number of years now, and I’m no longer shy on splashing out to have a little bit of a helping hand every now and then. AQA have told me cinema listings and restaurant closing times, all the way to the other end of the scale to telling me where I can purchase theremins and get voice-over acting lessons.

And the reason for this topic? Well, apart from a ‘congratulations’ message from thelump on hitting 9 million answers… They’re also hiring! Check out the company website where you’ll find information on how to get a application form. The website is also where you’ll be able to find 5 questions that have been answered today.

For those not looking for a job change, AQA will cost you £1 per question. You can send your queries to 63336, andthe answer will be returned before you can finish typing “Why do men have nipples?”

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That was the week in lumps, a week in which: a woman was killed for saying ‘no’ after a TV proposal, Hulk Hogan hears about his divorce from a reporter, the sexiest car this year: a brand-new special edition Koenigsegg CCX-R, this website will prove that everyone has blindspots, and finally, after a whole year of waiting for it to be released, ‘The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford’ is finally seeing the light of day. A preview (or review) will appear here in the New Year.

and to close another week to the archive rooms, here’s 10 of the worst IT disasters of our generation. One nearly caused WWIII.

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