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This Week in Lumps
#25 [06/11 - 12/11]

· A few months back when I gave my Bioshock preview in week 14, I talked about youth, and the social activities you assigned yourself to, be it a life of computer games, keeping fit with sport or athletics or maybe even a film fanatic. You spend all your free time perfecting your expert knowledge and skills, and decorate your younger years filling your life up with every aspect of it, probably because you really really enjoyed it, or had a talent for it. Today I’m talking to you about three of mine, which at different points in my life have all I’ve really cared about at that time: computer games, football and wrestling. No, this isn’t an introduction into some weird 21st Century sport I’ve invented, but instead a review of two new games that have been released just in time for the Christmas market, being Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 and WWE SmackDown! vs. Raw 2008.

As hard as it was, I did manage to scrape myself away from the utterly brilliant Bioshock for a decent enough time to try out the newest effort from the Pro Evo brand. As I lay the disc into my brand new Xbox 360, I realised this was a first for me; I was starting afresh with my football console game, as I am a self confessed Fifa fan, and have usually favoured those over their competitors. However I was more than aware just how popular the brand was, and after glowing reviews for this years release (plus a decent discount from Amazon) I was more than willing to give it a fair shout.

I’m more than happy I did; it’s a true belter of a game. Sadly, I can’t compare it to Fifa 08 which is also new to the Christmas shelves, but as far as previous football games go (which include the numerous times I would ‘have a match or two’ on PES 6 on a friends console, or my previously owned Fifa games) I have to say this is a fine example. The unputdownability is akin to games past, but with a whole new level of realism and uniqueness. The graphics for both the individual players, their mannerisms and techniques are very well captured; Ronaldo dribbles so well you’d be fooled into thinking Match of the Day had begun, whilst Beckham’s free kicks are about as accurate as if the makers had studied him for centuries. Scoring a 35 yard screamer never felt so good. Of course, there’s bound to be a few giggles over the realism: Peter Crouch looks like Napoleon Dynamite, Frank Lampard looks like a plumber, and Rooney’s ears seem to be bigger and bigger in every match I play him in. You can’t expect miracles, I suppose.

The depth of the game is always an area that you expect sports games to fall short on, I mean, just how many games of ’10 minute console football’ can you play before it starts getting repetitive and samey? The answer this year for Pro Evo is the much-hyped TeamVision feature, in which the AI learns and adapts to the way individuals play the game. So if you keep hoofing the ball to your strikers, the defence starts playing deep, while if you like to pass it about, the AI will start closing you down quicker. What I found is that this feature improves ten-fold once you boost it up a couple of levels of difficulty, whilst playing about on beginner you can easily fire 6 goals past a defenceless Spain in the World Cup Final, but as soon as you want to start classing yourself as a regular (or higher) you may find that your goals will dry up, and your defending more shakey. For example, I somehow managed to get a lead whilst playing with England, getting Frank Lampard to score with a toe-poke against Portugal within the first couple of minutes, and then found myself defending for the majority of the game. My keep ball tactics in the second half only angered the AI, who decided a few rash challenges might spice things up (and it did, after I retaliated both sides found themselves getting a player sent off.) Then, playing with their ultra fast wingers, they completely run rings around my full backs, and went on to win 3-1.

This is where my only gripe with the game lies: the difficulty settings. In fact, I’ve found this a gripe for PES 6 also, on the rare occasion I played it. One level it’s much too easy, the next one the complete opposite. Maybe it’s just because I’m not that good at the game (I lost all 5 online matches I’ve played so far), but I find the leap between Beginner and Amateur to be much much greater than it should be, whilst as mentioned before, Regular (for me, at least) is just a step too far.

For the other features the game boasts about: the online play was great fun, with minimal errors (this was for the 360, it seems to be a different story for the PS3), the commentary is surprisingly accurate, the career mode is okay, but nothing special, and the diving and shirt pulling feature, despite the criticism for its inclusion, is hardly noticeable and totally avoidable.

Unless you despise football and all the nonsense that comes with it, or if you still enjoy last years effort, this game is a must buy. This sadly isn’t the case for the other game…

~

· WWE SmackDown! vs. Raw 2008 arrived over the weekend, and have been played for just long enough for the initial reaction to sink in, and sadly it’s not as great as I had hoped. I’ve played numerous wrestling games over the last 10 years or so, I still remember the old War Zone game from 10 years ago, as well as owning or renting many of the previous Smackdown! games. Rest assured, if what you love about these games is the violence, and the punch-kick-piledriver-pin style action with your friends and a beer, then you’ll love this game: it’s got everything that SvR 07 had, but with an updated roster, and new and improved gameplay. The Iron Man Match is a big step up, now with revitalized health after losing a point, the Money in the Bank match is now harder and much more fun, the inclusion of ECW is a godsend, with even more violence and hardcore match types, including flaming tables, whilst the moves and the graphics as are you’d expect: amazing.

However the praise stops there. I go back to what I typed earlier: it’s got everything that SvR 07 had. In fact, it’s got everything that SvR 06 had, and perhaps even longer ago than that. The graphics, despite being great to look at, is still majorly flawed in parts, especially during the cut scenes and the actual wrestling, with hair disappearing into shoulders, and eyes that glow in the dark. The announcing has mistakes, whilst the commentary is still the same old lines and the same old jokes, ripped and copied with nothing new and nothing re-written (unless you play in the ECW ring, in which case everything is new in the commentary, because they had nothing to copy). To add to this, most of what’s being said anyway is nonsense and jibberish (when wrestling with legends Ric Flair and Rick Rude, one being 58 and the other being dead, I was told by the commentator that I was watching ‘the future of the WWE’) The caged matches have a big flaw, in that the actual cage isn’t see though. Once you start an Elimination Chamber match (one of my personal favourites from SvR 06) you find that the wrestlers are blocked by the mesh and framework.

Sadly, I cant stop the criticism there: The AI is still very stupid; not knowing when to do moves, and repeating the same moves 4 or 5 times, when in the case of submission moves, becomes very irritating. It mirrors the annoyance of Pro Evo in that the difficulty settings are so off the charts that completing anything under legendary status is only something I can dream about. And still I go on: the loading screens are still boring, the roster is out of date (which, to their credit, is not the fault of the games creators, more the ‘revolving door of empoyment’ known as the WWE) and there are way too many championship belts available which doesn’t balance at all with the overall number of wrestlers to chose from. The biggest flaw is still the season mode, which, much like the last two versions of this game, is still able to pull off being both frustrating and pointless at the same time. In 24/7, you get a limited choice of wrestlers, the cut scenes are even fewer than before (a grand total of about 5, with three playing over and over again), and when you do actually get to wrestle, you find yourself stuck with one wrestler, which gets tedious and repetitive after three or four matches, and when you’re not wrestling, you have to keep fit and boost your skills both in and out of the ring, which seems to have absolutely no effect to what you do when you get to wrestle. In GM Mode, which the wrestling version of Football Manager type games, the creators have managed to take a brilliant idea and make it a steaming pile of nothing, only achieving a waste of time you could be doing something more enjoyable, like hammering nails into your thighs.

If you don’t own a wrestling game, and have been thinking of buying one for a fair while, this may be the game for you: try the demo, and see if it’s your cup of tea. I had a blast for the first couple of hours, and the bottom line is that it is a step up from SvR 07. The controls are great and make the act of wrestling shine. However, if you own any of the previous SvR games, or in fact, get your kicks from gun games, golf games or porn on the Internet, then you shouldn’t invest in this at all, and maybe wait until next year. Despite still being playable, a big disappointment, could be so much better.

Where one game has managed to claw you into buying it, with high promises of a better play and overall more fun than last years effort, the other falls short. One game has the ability to make you say ‘one more?’ to your friend online, whilst the other seems to cry ‘fancy the pub then?’ instead. Where one game seems to have been stuck in a rut since 2005, one game has ploughed forward with all the style and grace of a flying Welshman. I can guarantee you will have fun with one of these games, the other seems to be for a more select group of fans. I know which one I’ll be wanting my Xbox live friends to be challenging me to matches in.

~

· With the release of the amazingly-anticipated Firefox 3 by Mozilla fast approaching, I have to share a link from Lifehacker, who have been getting their grubby hands all over the latest beta build of everyones favorite browser. They admit:

“From a snazzy design update and stability improvements to smart folders and bookmark tagging, you won’t be disappointed with what you’re getting.”

The development name for Firefox v3 is Gran Paradiso. (translated as “Great Paradise”), like other Firefox development names, this is an actual place; in this case one of the highest mountain groups in the Graian Alps. Last month, a post on the Mozilla Wiki “Release Roadmap” from The company’s Christopher Beard suggests a release around December 07 / January 08. A release and development schedule is available on Mozilla’s website.

The most notable updates to Firefox in v3 include the Places Organizer, where you can do traditional bookmark organization (including some kind of tagging implementation) as well as create saved searches, and a bookmarks feature in the address bar (as a star).

From what I’ve seen of the latest screenshots, Firefox 3 looks to be a fabulous step in the right direction. As long as they sort out the memory usage I’ll be a happy camper. If you’re yet to try out Firefox you can download it here. If you’re still using IE, I wholeheartedly endorse you checking it out, and you can thank me afterwards.

~

· My next lump this week was originally going to be in the wee lump section just below this, but I found it so hilarious that I just had to give it centre stage. It, in fact , doesn’t even need much of an introduction as it kind of speaks for itself. So here, ladies and gentleman, are The Six Weirdest “Inventions” of 2007! Including:

• The Cookie Sandwich Lighter
• Combined Cosmetic Device and Vibrator
• Deodorizer for Cigarette Butt Collection Containers
• Method and Apparatus for blocking contents of Pornography on the Internet
• Semen Collection Apparatus
• Traction Apparatus for the Penis
  

If you find yourself wondering out loud “How on Earth were these people the fastest sperm?”, don’t worry, you’re certainly not alone. Comment of the week goes to this one found on Digg:

“Combined cosmetic device and Vibrator: Get lipstick on both your lips now”

~~~

That was the week in lumps, a week in which: Weezer announced a new album for next year, The creator of Heroes has apologised for how awful Series 2 has been so far, Toads are secretly a bit slutty, Dinosaurs breathed like penguins, Scary colours are all around us, and although you may find yourself ignoring the article, this Facebook rant is worth clicking to see some slutty drunk girls in some regrettable (and NSFW) situations.

I’m very glad to get a much fatter entry this week, and I’m sure you are too. As we crawl over the line of our 25th entry, I have to ask: If you tap the top of a drinks can, will it really keep it from foaming when you open it?

ttfn
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