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This Week in Lumps
#22 [16/10 - 22/10]

· It’s coming up to that time of year again where Pudsey is dusted off, the giant cheques are printed, and the perennial appearances of Terry Wogan and Gaby Roslin to our screens means only one thing: Children in Need. Once upon a time this may have been considered essential viewing, however more recently it seems that every year is getting more and more avoidable: same old gags, and the same old faces, and the setup (which is similar to the other big charity telethon Red Nose Day) is dated and in need of a big refreshment. Far be it from me to say that charity work is nonsense; the amount of money raised from these nights is amazing, and always goes to a good cause, but it sometimes overshadows some other really amazing feats done for charity. Which brings me nicely onto a new six-part documentary series soon to be appearing on BBC2…

Following on from their 2004 trip around the world, loveable biking actors Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman are back on our TV screens again in another epic journey, this time going down, instead of around. Their first long-distance biking adventure together began in April 2004; their 20,000-mile (32,000-km) journey started by crossing over into mainland Europe, after which the rode through France, Belgium, Germany, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Ukraine, Russia, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Siberia, Alaska, Canada before arriving 115 days later at their final destination, New York City, USA.
This time, their 15,000 mile trip, which started in May this year, started at John o’ Groats in Scotland and took them via countries such as Tunisia, Egypt, Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania and Namibia all the way to Cape Town in South Africa. They finished 85 days later, on 4 August 2007, and the resulting film recordings is set to be documented on BBC starting this week.
The first time around, Ewan and Charley decided to halt their journey to visit UNICEF projects supporting children in Ukraine, Kazakhstan and Mongolia. Following the duo’s return, £100,000 was raised for children in the countries they had visited, by hosting a fundraising auction party in London in October 2005. A similar event is expected to be repeated in December.

This really is a lovely show, one that may not scream at you from the page of the TV guide, but one you should definitely check out. Good friends Charley and Ewan are a hoot to watch, with great enthusiasm and passion that other TV producers would envy to have on their show. You’ll catch yourself at some points of the show grinning madly as if you were there with them. Not only does this level of chemistry make it a great show, but couple that with the knowledge that they supported UNICEF on this trip and the last, visiting projects en route and raising money for them afterwards, shows that you can support charity without being cheesy and resorting to D-list celebrities almost begging for spare change.

Long Way Down starts on October 28th, on BBC2, which gives you enough time to jump onto Amazon and order the special edition DVD of the first trip for under £14. Be warned; it may urge you to pack in the day job and do a similar trip yourself.

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· Last Wednesday, the sleepy town of Whitehaven, in Cumbria wrote itself into history books, or at least a more digital version of them, when it became the first area in the UK to switch from analogue to digital TV.

While the rest of us may have to wait at least another 5 years before it happens where we live (penciled in for late 2009 / early 2010 in Scotland), Whitehaven will be completely digital after the 14th November. It began with the loss of BBC Two’s signal, just after 2am on Wednesday, where stoned local students trying to watch the channel’s Learning Zone would have been left dazed and confused and the suddenly blank screen. Analogue versions of BBC One, ITV1 and Channel 4 are due to join the void next month, and home owners will need either Freeview, satellite, cable or broadband in order to watch television.

So why Whitehaven, I hear you ask. Well, it’s quiet nature may be they key. Whitehaven was chosen primarily because it’s a discrete area for broadcasting signals, and changing them to digital won’t interfere with neighbouring areas.

And about time to, I say. Analogue TV has been around since the 30′s and 40′s, and in it’s current form, hasn’t altered much over the last 30 years. In a world slowly being covered by MP3′s, HD and Wifi, TV does appear to have been left behind. Analogue TV can, at best, provide you with 5 channels, Lego-style text, and minimal interaction. The switchover to digital will see homes up and down the country finally catch up with what 84% of households have already: Sky, VirginMedia, or Freeview, opening up the possibilities of more channels, more interactivity, and more choices, along with better pictures, and better sound. That is, of course, if you want it. Experts are predicting that a majority of ‘technophobes’ may resign themselves to life without television; refusing to pay more to watch TV to an already expensive TV License, and to channels they wont be watching.

The UK will switchover on a regional basis. After Whitehaven, the rest of the Border Television region will join in the second half of 2008, and then finishing in Channel Islands in 2013. For a full list of when your local analogue-digital switchover date will be, visit the Digital UK website, or visit the handy Wiki page.

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· There aren’t many things I can give my own personal advice on, or at least good honest advice- I can’t tell you how the stock market works, nor can I remember if the chicken or the egg came first. Maybe I could fib and lie my way though the conversation, but I’m not that kind of person. However, on the odd occasion when a specific topic comes to my attention or I’m asked something that people know I can help them on, I like to assist to the best of my abilities, and one of those occasions happened recently. I was asked about moving out of home, and like a old age pensioner with his great grandson on his knee, I started to rattle on with stories, advice and warnings, whether my company wanted to hear it or not. Likewise, you’re about to put up with the same ramblings.

At the delicate age of 20, I decided that maybe it was time I left home. There’s no set age for these kind of decisions; maybe if I had gone to University I would have experienced this a little earlier, maybe if I had taken my Gap year before then, I would have other pearls of wisdom to enlighten you all with, but these things never came to pass, and my life took a different path to where I am today. At that point in my life, I can’t honestly say it was the hardest decision I had made, but it was by no means the easiest. Through the kindness of friends, and the wisdom of my elders, I came out the other side relatively scratch free, however 2 years (and a few months) on from the day I moved, I’ve had some major ups and downs, be it emotionally, physically and even financially, I’ve met some wonderful people, and shared many a glass of wine or bottle of beer with friends, friends of friends, or even strangers, and can honestly say that moving out will be the best decision you’ll ever make. Getting to the stage where I can say that with an honest face has taken some time and lots of effort, so here’s a 9 point guide to make sure you don’t end up on the street, or worse… back home where you started.

* Do Your Homework
After you’ve done the daunting task of informing your parentals that you’ve decided to fly the nest, you’ll need to actually start planning everything. First step is to decide where on Earth you want to end up, be it nextdoor, or half way across the world. For me, I moved 380+ miles North, from Hertfordshire to Glasgow. Many many times people have asked me why, and I (nearly) always give different reasons, all of which are honest, I might add. So, in your situation you may have been offered a job, or your friends are moving out too, or maybe you just want to get as far away as possible from your current surroundings, and start afresh. Either way, there are thousands of different places you could end up, be it city life, out in the sticks, or beside the seaside. So research; what do you like best about where you live, or what do you hate most about it? Whilst you’re in the prime of life, does this town offer what you need, or could you honestly consider moving towns, cities or even countries?
Jump onto Wikipedia, and read about some places you like the sound of, Glasgow for example is a good template, the wiki page tells you about the bohemian style West End, all the way to the rough and desolate Ibrox area, so you know in advance where to look for places to live and where to avoid. Whilst you’re jumping around websites, try upmystreet.com, another wonderful resource to help you with everything from council tax in your desired area, to shops and local bars and gyms.

* Try Before You Buy
It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to work out that you will need to be familiar with your new area before even thinking about living there. One thing that I found incredibly helpful was having existing friends in my new area, to help me acclimatize to my new surroundings, and to feel instantly at home. If this is not possible, try bringing an existing friend from your old hometown to test the water with you, try a few bars, and the local shops; if it’s a big city like Edinburgh or London, you won’t be short of friends who will be up for the trip.

* Flat First, Job Second
There was always something that I could not get a solid answer on when I asked people: should I get a flat first, and then look for a job, or vice versa? After finding out the hard way, I can tell you that if you plan to move a fair distance away, getting a roof over your head is key. With regards to interviews and meetings, traveling to them and getting there on time, having somewhere close to get changed and prepare is better than relying on other peoples sofas, and attention. With regards to your CV, it always pays to have a local address on the top, as it saves explaining that your commute will not be as bad as they may think (especially if you’re leaving the country).
Because of this, you may need to save your pennies for a few months prior to moving. Unless you have a top quality CV with will guarantee you work within 5 minutes of arriving in your new town, you will need to pay rent and living costs until you can support yourself.

* Find a flatmate
If you’re new to the area, then the best place to start would be trawling the local shops and papers for flatmate ads. Living with someone is such a bizarre experience, which is frankly too hard to explain: For the first 12 hours you could be spilling your life out to your new roomy, who less than a week before was some stranger who’s flat you were being nosey about. You could end up being the best of mates, or you could fall out over a tin of beans, it really is that hit and miss. However I can’t stress enough how important it is to search though vast amounts of adverts in papers and windows; it’ll give you a much better idea about what areas are expensive and desirable, and which are cheap, nasty, and avoidable, but this all depends on your budget:

* Be Realistic / Balance the Books
Depending on your last job, or the kind of salaries you’re aiming at, the best bet finance-wise is to aim low, and work your way up, rather than jump straight in at the deep and you’re left wondering why your bank balance is taking a monthly hammering. Do not, again, I stress, do not aim so far out of your price range, that you start getting grand ideas about how wonderful life will be in your new palace or castle, and how often all your friends will come visit and party until 3am and never go home; It just doesn’t happen like that. The independence can be great, I won’t deny it, but you’ll also have tonnes of new responsibilities and whilst it sounds obvious, it can be a bit of a shocker when you realise how much time it takes to do the shopping, cooking and cleaning, so take these into consideration before you start thinking about your new HDTV setup with surround-sound sub woofers. No, your friends will not be able to afford to come visit you every weekend. No, you will not be able to go out every night and paint the town vomit-pink, and no, you won’t be able to afford the flat with the newly fitted kitchen with breakfast bar, and the mezzanine floor bedroom with the skylight leading to the balcony overlooking the football stadium, like on the Carlsberg adverts. If you’re even the slightest bit gutted about this news, maybe you should reconsider if you’re ready for the big bad world.
As well as rent on a monthly basis, you’ll have to consider:
* A deposit (this can be up to one months deposit).
* Council tax.
* Utility bills (gas, electricity, telephone, TV).
* Insurance.
* Travel and commuting.
* Food, clothing and socialising.

* Share and Share Alike
If you decide after all of those points that you quite like the quaint little 2-bedroom flat next to the bus stop, that’s within walking distance of everything you need, and you’ve managed to find a flatmate who doesn’t smell of tuna, or plays Hip Hop at 4am on a Sunday morning, then congratulations.
To save both of you (or more, depending on the size of the flat, some student-orientated flats in Glasgow can fit up to 6 rooms) some money, you need to work out a rota on simple everyday things like washing up liquid, toilet roll, and the like. It may seem like little things, but they add up, and could mean the difference between night on the town with your friends, or a night in with a warm bottle of Stella.

* Paperwork is Paramount
One thing that has unfortunately stung me since moving out of home is rent, bills and lack of organisation in getting said items down in writing, and agreed upon. If you’re moving in with a stranger, don’t be afraid to request everything settled with a 3rd party landlord, or worse, between yourselves in writing; it’ll save a lot of arguments later on, and will ultimately save you money as well. Do not be so trusting, as friendly strangers they may be, they are still strangers, and some may not think twice for charging you for imaginary bills and costs, and if something cannot be agreed upon (phone bills or TV package costs) then maybe you should think again about moving in.

* Looks Can Be Deceiving
The other route, instead of finding someone with a flat and moving in, is finding a fully furnished flat, signing a tenancy agreement, and vetting potential flatmates yourself. As I’ve done both, I can assure you that the latter was preferred, however the stress levels are equal for both, plus Letting Agencies may be against the idea of letting a flat or house to someone who has no experience of living without a guardian to pay bills and keep the place tidy. If you’re lucky enough to be granted this opportunity, I’d take it on- remember to take someone who may know a thing or two about moving flats and living in rented accommodation with you to examine the potential habitats, as they will undoubtedly spot things you’ll be oblivious to, such as broken appliances, or drug dealers living downstairs. Similar to moving in with others, vacated flats may look perfect on first arrival, but after you’ve lived there for a few months you may have noticed a few things you wish you’d seen first time around.

* Be Patient
As keen as you may be to get out from under the eyes of your parents, do not rush into anything, it will only end in tears. Also, don’t panic if you can’t find anywhere to live, or you keep getting rejection messages and emails, something will come around, as long as you keep looking, and stay positive.

Finally, I must stress again that the perfect flat and the perfect flatmate are rarely found first time around. Anyone who knows me well enough has surely been told the countless stories of my first experiences of this, from the ‘powder’ on the coffee table to the DVDs on the shelf, and it may take you a few years and a few places to settle down and be totally happy. Don’t be sad if you’re lying on your duvet-coverless bed one night wondering what the hell you’ve done, and why you ever gave up cooked dinner and ironed underwear, but stick with it, it will get better, so so much better.

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That was the week in lumps, a week in which: The BBC will be putting adverts on their international website, Gordon Ramsey can swear as much as he likes at work, and if you don’t like it, you can fuck off, 700000 ladybirds have been released in New York, and one of my favourite sites, ‘TV-links’ is no more, after its owner and some staff were arrested.

This week is completed with the sad news that the 82 year-old woman who recently married the 24 year-old man has died due to heart problems. What seems to be missing from all the news reports I’ve read, what must have been on the mind of her new husband, and what the world surely is thinking is: How much money did the old goat have? Who knows…

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