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This Week in Lumps
#3 [05/06 - 11/06]

· I’m starting off this week with some sad news I’m afraid. Sean Connery will not be reprising his role as Professor Henry Jones in the next Indiana Jones flick. Sir Sean said:

“…But in the end, retirement is just too damned much fun.”

The film currently has Cate Blanchett and Ray Winstone signed on, the former as the leading lady, and the latter possibly as a sidekick, though more likely to be some kind of baddy. Sadly, I feel it wont be the same without Sir Sean involved.
I’ve seen a handful of his films, including pretty much all of his Bond work, The Rock, Red October… Highlander wasn’t really that bad was it? Some people I know consider it a classic, although these people probably also found Hercules in New York hilarious; but what do I know? Apparently my movie taste is rubbish due to the fact I’ve never seen The Goonies, or all 6 Star Wars films. Actually, that’s not something I should be admitting to really… I’ve wandered off the point, sorry.
I think one of his best portrayals (and most memorable for me growing up) would have to be as Indy’s dad. Its the best of the three Indy films IMO. How average was the 2nd one? I’ve always felt that two people ruined that film: the kid, and the girl. Both really obnoxious, and not really worth the screen time with Ford. Replace those with some decent people, and that film improves 200%. A good pub topic is rating films brands, like… which LotR was best, and which Back to the Future was better than the others. My run down on the Indy films has to be 3, 1, 2. I’d be interested on what others think.
Anyway; SNP supporter Connery has been in retirement since 2005, following disillusionment with the ‘idiots now in Hollywood’, and the trouble making and subsequent box office failure of the 2003 film The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which he admitted to ‘not understanding’, much like previous roles he turned down, which went on to make a ton of money, in roles within The Matrix and Lord of the Rings.
But in regards to Indy 4, and his decision not to take part, well, to quote the last Indy film he was in:

“He chose… poorly.“

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· Causing a bit of a national stir this week was the unveiling of the London Olympic 2012 logo. Since its unveiling on Monday, there has been a “mixed reaction” to its uniqueness. In my eyes, this ‘mixed reaction’ appears to be that people either hate it, dont care, or haven’t seen it. I haven’t met or spoken to anyone who thinks its good, or even close to something we can be proud of. Just a few days after being revealed to Joe Public, an online petition was created calling for it to be scrapped, which has come to a close after gathering more than 25,000 signatures. Just look at it, who on Earth sits round a meeting room and accepts and appreciates that as ‘a job well done’? It looks like Lisa Simpson giving head (that was semi-funny when I wrote it, which was Thursday, but now its everywhere, so apologies). Its pink, its jaggy, and apparently that represents London. How? I’ve no idea either. Let me find a quote…

“[the logo] won’t be to be everybody’s taste immediately, but it’s a brand that we genuinely believe can be hard working… and reach out and engage young people, which is our challenge is over the next five years. It’s not a logo, it’s a brand that will take us forward for the next five years…”

It’s not often I agree with a Tory MP, but in this case I am. Philip Davies described the design as “childish and ridiculous” and “a pathetic attempt to appear trendy”.
For a much better version, may I suggest you see this brilliant new effort, or head over to the BBC pictures gallery, which has much better efforts on offer from Joe Public themselves. Amusingly, they received and hosted a goatse.x themed one, much to the amusement of geeks the world over. It was promptly removed when the likeness was spotted, sadly.

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· June 29th 2007 will see the US release of the “revolutionary” Apple iPhone. A mobile phone that is more than just a mobile phone. It’s an MP3 player, its a handheld Internet device, it’s a camera phone, it’s colour, its touchscreen… oh, did I mention it’s also a mobile phone? Dont forget that. For $499 or $599, you too can have one in your iHands, to call your iFriends and your iWife. But only in the US at the moment; there’s no release date set for the UK and European market.
iGutted.
Now, anyone who likes to spend money on new technology on a regular basis will know there’s bound to be errors with any new products released, maybe not so much now we’re in the 21st century, but it still happens. So when something as hyped as the iPhone arrives, will it arrive faultless? Just by looking at its vital statistics, its clear to see that its far more complex than its big sister, the iPod. If any glitches, bugs or faults are found, it could lead to expensive recalls and returns, even more so if its too difficult or fiddly for the Average Joe to use. Will it put people off?
I predict it will sell well, whether it meets the ‘10 million by 2008‘ figure that Apple have set for it is debatable, but the markets there for the taking. Having the Apple brand gives it a distinct advantage of course. According to a few sources, it plans to have 3 million units ready for sale day.
The money shot is… It’s not hitting the wow factor for me. It looks good, but it’s not Earth shattering. I’m not blown away by the aesthetic values of it, but on the same page it seems to have missed that “does exactly what it says on the tin” look that I want from a mobile phone. To be honest, I’ve never been an Apple-obsessed loon, nor do I think I ever will be. I’m not against them at all, they are producing good quality goods, I cant deny it. My friends have Apple stuff, and they’re all perfectly sane people with hair and morals and myspaces and everything. Me, however, I’ve never been one to follow the iCrowd; I’ve always picked the markets alternative (Microsoft Windows, the new Sony Walkman, et al) and have never really needed to complain (apart from a few software hiccups with the MP3 walkman, but you live and learn). When the dust settles, Apple will have another popular product under their belt in the US, they’ll also be a few hundred million dollars richer. However, I’m more excited about the next newest release, whatever that will be.
It amuses me that the blurb on the iPhone mini-site states that:

“You control everything with just your fingers”

Which is bizarre; I’ve never seen anyone use anything but their fingers to operate a phone. Is there a distinctive US market for people who dial numbers with their toes, like some kind of cellular-fetish?

~~~

That was the week in lumps, a week in which: A man sued a health drink for giving him a 2 year hard on, a crazy German man tries to jump on the Pope, short-sighted eyes are too powerful and letting your tea brew for 5 minutes is mega healthy.

I shall leave you for this week with the following video. This animal can imitate the call of at least 20 different bird species but that’s nothing compared to the fact that it can mime the sound made by photo camera shutters, car alarms or even saws and chainsaws.
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